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» Young, Black, Baby Daddies//Heartbreak?

October 15, 2018

Young, Black, Baby Daddies//Heartbreak?

Guy 1, 27, Legal field

Guy 2, 29, FMCG field

Guy 3, 28, ICT field

Guy 4, 29, Logistics field

Usher and baby (Google Images)
Usher and baby (Google Images)

Common traits: Young, black, handsome, successful, baby-daddies.

Now, allow me the airtime to hammer down this “baby daddy” adjective…I went from knowing no “baby daddies” to going on dates with four relatively successful and handsome men…until the “Oh my son/daughter” line gets introduced into the conversation (#slightly awkward).

A strange thing happens in my head when the “my son/daughter” line gets thrown my way during a lovely dinner. Be it as it may… the question I always have the courage to ask is: “so why didn’t you make it work with your baby momma …surely when you are going all the way with someone you are hopefully attracted to at the least (momentary pleasure or not), when you are dropping procreation seeds in conducive baby-making environments…surely you must feel some typa way about the human you’re getting jiggy with…”

“She’s crazy”

“I could never be with her long term”

“It was honestly just lust, she was the girl I wanted to be seen with”

“I love her, I want to marry her, but she says I am no longer who she wants to be with”

2015 guys and gals…2015…is this a reflection of the world?….Is it South Africa?….Is it Africa?…Is it just the cities I move around in….is this life?….

Only 33% of children in South Africa live with both their parents, states the SA Institute of Race Relations (SAIRR)[1]. I am super sensitive about issues regarding single-parenthood; which has informed my choices around having safe sex. Inshallah (God-willing), I want to conceive my babies in a healthy, loving, honest and committed partnership/relationship. So now…when a young man who is trying to date me claims to want the same thing but cannot give that thing to the human/woman who birthed his first-ever bundle of joy…what are the chances?

I sincerely believe that the way some of our brothers deal with whatever load of issues and baggage they carry (we all carry) could be a cost…an emotional cost to the generation of “baby mama” /“baby daddy” set-up scenarios…especially because most of the times those relationships are said to be “toxic”. “Just over 39% of children live with their mothers only. About 4% live with their fathers only.”[2]

I salute the gentlemen referred to in the opening paragraphs (who later became friends) in that they really are active/present fathers. They invest in spending weekends with their kids, parent-teacher meetings, shopping etc. I really do salute them. I just hope that when people in such situations do find their chosen life partners that they maintain the healthy and loving nature of presence between themselves and their “baby mama/daddies”. There is nothing as worse as seeing a child suffering mentally, spiritually and emotionally because of two “adults” who cannot set aside their baggage. “We find that among most whites and Indians, both parents up to 87% and 97% are present where else among blacks where both parents are present is 33%..”[3]

Usher with baby (Google Imaages)

So none of the friends I have outside the “black/African” race have ever shared such experiences…where the White/Coloured/Indian baby daddies at?…

Talk to us,