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» Ladies and Gents…I have a confession

October 15, 2018

Ladies and Gents…I have a confession

I have a confession… there is nothing I enjoy doing more than reflecting. I thrive on listening to people, hearing them out, hearing their life stories, hearing how they have overcome obstacles, hearing how they have fallen, gotten up and achieved. I enjoy doing this more and more each day, especially as I seem to face more and more “adulting” challenges.

Source: Google Images

From my own experiences I’ve learnt a number of things but I’ll highlight a few:

  • Being an independent women is not easy. Destiny’s child lied…well they didn’t exactly say it was easy, but they made it seem that way
  • Life choices get harder and harder to make…not easier
  • Time becomes more precious

I have come to watch myself over the years and (my favourite) I have come to deeply observe those around me. For a 20-something year old, I’ve made a few right choices and a few terrible decisions. I’ve even questioned and doubted myself, but I’ve been immensely proud of myself as well. As a result, what I am appreciating more and more as I continue this journey is the different kinds of people I have come to observe, i.e.:

Source: Google Images

A. There are people who have no problem stepping out of themselves and into the world

B. There are people who have no problem stepping into themselves but struggle with stepping out and into the world

Human being type “A” is the type you can take to any dinner party, they are the best date at a random friend’s wedding, and will look absolutely dashing at a last minute gala dinner date. Precisely because they would rather spend 90% of their time and energy out in the world and the 10% sleeping.

Human being type “B” would rather spend quality time with loved ones, with friends or even by themselves. They would rather spend 60% of their time and energy by themselves and 40% experiencing a quality life with others. This type of human is always on a constant soul searching, soul feeding, soul nurturing quest.

extro intro
Source: Google Images

Now, the trick is…both these type of people are purposefully the way they are because they believe that life is short. The one believes life is too short not to be out, to be seen, to be living the glitz and glamour life. Whilst the other believes life is too short to be spent around ‘noise’, and would rather spend most of their time in quiet moments; quiet moments with yourself, with those near and dear, with those that have a positive impact on their life.

Going back to the points made earlier on what I confessed to having learnt about life not being particularly easy (living in a developing country, I in no way mean to reduce the seriousness of larger macro societal issues); what do I mean by point 1: being “an independent woman” is hard? A friend of mine and I joked throughout winter about how we would almost burst into tears when our gas heater canisters would finish up. One has to sit and think of a male that would be kind enough to lift and load the heavy canister into the car, to go get it refilled. Which at that time gets even heavier…the struggle…taking the trash out weekly, who to call when things break and needing fixing around the house…

str wom
Source: Google Images

What do I mean by Point 2: When making choices in “adulthood”? Realistically, choices become more and more about “how will this decision impact my life 5-10 years from now?”…home loan, car loan, school loan, credit, life partners…”how will this decision impact my life, 5-10 years from now?”…

Point 3: Time….the infinite one, the healer of all things, the abstract one, and the one whom human beings speak off and cannot touch…time…the precious one, the gift of time. Some use her as an excuse, others use her to give meaning to life. Some use her to reminisce “remember that time when…”, others use her as a time to create “at this time I want to achieve a, b, c….I want to have 1, 2, 3…”.

I confessed earlier on that my second most favourite thing is to reflect- reflect on my life, on my goals, on my achievements, on my failures, on my self-love journey, and question whether or not I am steadily filling up my “love-cup” so I can better serve those around me? I check-in regularly with those that fill my love-cup, every time I engage with my near and dear (chosen and not chosen), I am like a pitch bright white canvass, waiting to hear their stories, I listen as their words paint on the canvass of my ears, I marvel at the colours of their words…and advise, or laugh or cry…whatever is expected of that moment at that particular point in time.

Oh 20-something years of age…you continue to teach.

May I and all my peers in the struggle, continue to learn.



Lindelwa Skenjana

A connector of people| Marketer| Social Scientist with a love for humanity and technology